Crap attracts Crap

'My best friend Ade phoned me at half past midnight this morning and said 'Jules - crap attracts crap. It always will do'.

And he's right of-course, because he's right about everything.

Ade has this personality, where he doesn't really react much to the aforementioned 'crap' that life seems to throw at people, so he's the perfect foil to me because I react to everything. And he calms me down. He has done that for the last 22 years.

Didn't have a good day yesterday. Soaking wet at the latest Leyton Orient game. Decided to stay at Adam's whilst boyfriend is off with his mates playing music in some grotty dive in Soho in front of a load of neanderthals for about twenty pence payment.

Anyway, I have been browsing through old pics the last few days - looking for what? dunno - answers? and it suddenly hits me like a tonne of bricks - something that has not been answered, that I thought I didn't really care enough about anymore.

Why? I thought I was over this 'stuff'.

I think 90% of the people you come across in life will treat you like shite, because that's human nature innit. Luckily, I have a very good 10% of people and I'm very grateful for that. But it's always going to niggle me. No, I thought I was over 'stuff' but I'm not. And even now, when I think about it, I know I'm never going to be over it, because I don't have an answer.

I am not a bad person. I am a loyal friend. I know I am annoying and I don't stop talking, and I know I am like Marmite, but I do deserve better than the way I was treated. Looking at old pics just brings the whole sorry scenario come flooding back. And it just keeps rolling over and over. And it hurts. Because I don't know why.

This blog post isn't really finished. But maybe that's the way it was meant to be. Abrupt.

30th August 2015