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Fireman Sam – existentialism and unanswered questions by Julieanne and Jason Mountford

After selling over 400 West Ham books, Julieanne Mountford and her husband are utilising another lockdown to prep two deeply philosophical books for publication in 2021.

Part 1 of the series - 'Fireman Sam: the unanswered questions: is Norman Price the bastard offspring of ‘Sam the (Satanic) hero next door?’ - projects multiple theories on how life in Pontypandy, and the rest of the universe, came into being.

In Part 1– we tackle increasingly sensitive topics that up until now Firemansamists have only dared to speak of in hushed whispers. For instance, why does every resident of Pontypandy have Fireman Sam's personal mobile number on speed dial? Dialling this frequently - instead of calling 999 whenever their spawn-of-Satan offspring need rescuing from daily (even hourly) self-imposed calamities? This throws the spotlight on emerging conspiracy theories that Fireman Sam sits alone in a Sartyrist-type Purgatory drinking cups of tea – his life in perpetual statis until the calls flood in. This poses a potential connection to a similar Postman Pat ‘limbo’, a ‘Groundhog Day’ existence where the repetition of ‘Fog on the Tyne’ by Gazza has created sonic booms at such unintelligible frequencies across an otherwise desolate landscape, that a ‘Pontypandy Triangle’ of infinite anomalies now spirals into Outer Space.

Could these two human-like forms with Easter Island type heads, in fact be linked to Sam Tyler and his situation in ‘Life on Mars’?

Part 1 also poses the question as to why a local delinquent, Norman Price, is not banged to rights in a juvenile detention centre for perpetuating crime and misdemeanours: namely arson, incitement, and the coercion of younger children onto a lake of thinly frozen ice. Is this because, as other Firemansamists have tentatively suggested, that Norman is indeed the Henry Fitzroy of Pontypandy? When Norman Price coerces younger children into mortal danger on the likes of Pontypandy Mountain – why is it that Fireman Sam’s rescue compass always points to ‘true north’ rather than ‘magnetic north’? Is Norman Price, thus, a cartoon version of a Truman Show protagonist trapped in a Patrick Mcgoohan type penitentiary?

These are the unanswerable; those that must be answered. And the answer is not 42.

Part 2 of our series entitled - ‘The Outer Limits of Pontypandy: topographical deviation and the Pontypandyist void of existential vortices between Utopia and Dystopia’ explores how Firemansamism may be based on the concept of sub-humanic forms being transferred from one miniature black hole into another supermassive monolith of ancient space travellers; thus inspiring the likes of Sartre’s ‘No Exit’, Robert Louis Stevenson, George Harrison, and the seminal TV series ‘Lost’ (amongst others). We explore Firemansamist deliberations over the very fabric of time and space and the consideration of how the jetsam from at least 250 billion black holes may have evolved into a host of amoebic creatures of unidentified bio-chemistry, which subsequently morphed onto Pontypandy plateaux.

Also in part 2 - we tackle the highly sensitive question that all Firemansamists want an answer to: what is the secret of Pontypandy’s forever evolving topography? Is an, (as yet), unseen ‘black hole’ leaking debris from Oceanic flight 816’s wreckage onto the shores of Pontypandy, forming bizarrely shaped mountains, lakes, islands and streams that contravene Newton’s laws of physics? Ancient fossils in the bucket of Normal Price seem to depict reptilian-like creatures, dating from the long dried-up rivers of the Persian Gulf. Studies consider Pontypandy to be an optimal area for the creation of ‘black holes’ where humanity may be thrust closer towards the entrance of one of the 12 ‘vile vortices’ that lie embedded in time and space.

Just when will it be before we discover the truth – that passageways into realms and dimensions could be found in numerous Pontypandyist idylls? Could Fireman Sam and indeed Station Officer Steele in fact be extra terrestrials harvesting genetic material from Pseudo-Dionysiustic locations – intent on warping brainwaves and altering the course of humanity forever?

Julieanne and Jason Mountford, January 21

(PS Please download our cover version of Elvis Cridlington’s ‘Lights in the Sky’)